I'm taking baby steps

Not a lot going on at the moment

I stepped off the world last week and I’m so glad I did.

I went back to work last Friday after spending most of the week in London with my sisters (yes, we saw Harry Styles, yes he wore shorts) and it was as joyous, wholesome and girlie as I hoped it would be. Was the London heatwave unbearable at points? Yes, but those couple of days wandering around London, dancing at a concert, and reuniting with my best friend were just what I needed. I felt like Kat again, and I really missed that. Like Amanda in The Holiday, a couple of days in England and away from work quickly made me realise I needed to make some changes in my little world.

Unfortunately, there was no sign of Jude Law knocking on the door of our hotel room, but the trip did make me realise that I was pouring from an empty cup and four days away from work simply wasn’t enough. I am a people pleaser by nature and pride myself on how hard I work, but I’m also incredibly guilty of failing to see the damage overworking can have on my mental health. Having panic attacks and crying in the office loo became part of my routine; they were something I just accepted because “of the way I’m wired” but then I read a book that really changed everything for me.

Caroline Foran’s Everything I Wish I’d Known About Anxiety is one of the most impactful non-fiction books I’ve picked up in a decade. Not only is it beautifully honest and so moving in its honesty, but it’s a completely eye-opening read that has done nothing but improve my mindset ever since I picked it up.

There’s a section in the book that has become ingrained in my mind:

“Even if you love the work and the people. it’s still worth asking, At what cost? At what cost to your health, your life, your peace? Your time with the people who matter more to you? Are you truly okay with the sacrifices this role demands? If your anxiety consistently traces back to this part of your life, it’s probably a sign that - on some level- you’re not.”

Caroline’s words hit hard when I first read them but they’re now sitting with me and guiding me toward better decisions. One major decision her words helped me make was to take some much-needed mental health leave. I am doing miles better than I was back in 2023 when suicidal ideation was suffocating me and nearly took hold of my life forever, but that doesn’t mean I should stop caring for my mental health.. I am somewhat better, but taking a break is something we shouldn’t brush under the carpet. It is easier to power though, to act like you’re not feeling overwhelmed by your workload and to shake off the stresses of juggling 101 different tasks, but is it really worth it? As Caroline’s book perfectly puts it, our mental health should be the priority, not your workload.

It’s still taboo to speak like this in Ireland, especially in a society that still praises hustle culture. If you’re hitting milestone after milestone then you’re winning, but can you even appreciate those big moments when you feel like a shell of yourself? When you have little resources and support? Putting yourself first is just as valuable as whatever career highlight you scroll past on Instagram, trust me. So many of us are guilty of not taking the time (myself included) but it should be the norm.

Many of us, especially women, will only do so when we’ve completely crashed, when we’ve hit the wall (okay Gracie Abrams) but these breaks will help prevent burn out. Maybe it isn’t the cool corporate thing to do, but isn’t it better to stop and breathe then to ignore your wellbeing? These breaks give you a minute to feel like yourself again, to remember there’s more to life than the to-do list you can’t keep on top of and the Slack messages you’ve yet to reply to. You owe it to yourself to take them because it isn’t something society will fully encourage just yet.

You owe it to yourself to take your mental health seriously because you’re the priority, not the 10 am Monday meeting you might miss. I know it is easier said than done but if you can use the sick leave or get the doctor’s note then do it.

I’ve been off for just three days and already feel like my normal self again, and not a one-woman editorial team. Taking mental health leave isn’t something that makes you look weak or dramatic. It’s something we should respect and encourage in a world obsessed with cramming everything into your 5-9pm after a fun day of ‘boxing smart’. Why should we force ourselves to keep going, keep pushing, keep fake-thriving when all our mind wants to do is to stop and take a break? It’s the best realisation I’ve had this year, and one I’ll remember for years to come.

Mental health recovery is all about taking baby steps, and I’m so glad I took the first one on Friday. Give yourself time to exist outside of the racket that is your 9-5 and you’ll slowly start to feel like you’re healing, I certainly do.

I urge you all to read Caroline Foran’s Everything I Wish I’d Known About Anxiety. Buy it here or from your local bookshop.

Kat